Telling the Truth
by spheeris1
Summary: AU and not-AU :: Angst-ish :: Ashley POV :: 'No one says ‘how have you been?’ and means it.' :: One-shot


No one says 'how have you been?' and means it.

There is so much more being said in that kind of line – between the syllables and underneath the letters… could be 'I've missed you' or 'I don't like you anymore'… but no one wants to know how anyone else has been, not really.

That's a given in Ashley's case.

She doesn't care how Spencer has been and what Spencer has been up to or who Spencer has been with since King High – since classes and falling in love and fuck-ups – since ex boyfriends and sisters and money and parents – since those bygone days where all either girl would see is the other, brown on blue, skin on skin… Ashley doesn't care at all.

Which is a lie, of course.

It's all she cares about – even with a record deal and millions of dollars to spend and a huge loft and fame and camera flashes and late nights and a new lover every second – even with Aiden, simple and angry Aiden and his wounds and his sorrow and his familiarity – even with girls, so many girls, red and black and every other shade, throwing themselves at popularity like panties to a stage… even now, all Ashley cares about is Spencer.

Ashley cares and cares and cares.

And she can't seem to stop it – the pounding of her heart when someone mentions the Carlin girl, the rush of heat to her body whenever someone thinks they see Spencer pass by, the dreams that she has where fingers slip into her body and blonde hair falls over her face… cares and cares and wants and wants and aches and aches… Ashley can't stop it, can't stop from thinking of Spencer – even when Aiden is kissing her, even when Kyla is getting her drunk, even when numbers turn into one-night-stands, even when she hears that Spencer is leaving California… going who knows where…

/ / /

"Where?"

"Somewhere over seas I think."

"Like… where?"

"I don't know! We aren't that close anymore."

"Where?"

"Shit, Ash, you sound like a broken record…"

No one says 'I'm totally over it' and means it.

There is hidden meanings and secret longings in that kind of line – between syllables and underneath the letters… could be 'I love you' or 'I hate you'… but no one is totally over anything in this world.

That a given in Ashley's universe.

And everyone learns it in the end – even Aiden, tears and a gray leather jacket and bitterness – even Kyla, bored and moving out and texting her good-bye – even fans and agents and clubs and stores and girls with no names and boys with no faces… everyone learns eventually that Ashley never got over Spencer.

Which is the only truth, of course.

It's the only thing that has stood the test of time – past rotting fathers and absent mothers, past vinyl and guitar strings, past roads and beaches and sadness and regret… past every single note ringing in her head, past every lyric written, past every kiss and every touch… Ashley has never gotten over Spencer and it is the only true thing she knows about her life, it is the only thing that Ashley knows at all.

And Ashley knows it, running and running past gates in LAX, jumping over luggage and pushing people aside and running – burning up her lungs and stretching muscles that have lived in atrophy – running and running, trying to catch up to Spencer Carlin before the girl truly… finally… completely… slips away…

/ / /

"Why are you here?"

"Where are you going?"

"Why does it matter, Ash?"

"It is the only thing that matters… **you** are the only thing that matters…"

"I've heard it all before."

"Please, Spence, **please** hear it again."

"Ash—"

"Where are you going? Tell me so I can follow you this time, tell me so I can follow you and win you back…"

"That's not how it works! God, Ash…"

"Then tell me how it works and that's what I'll do, anything you want, Spencer – any way you want it, I promise… I promise…"

"You break promises, Ashley. It's what you do, it's who you are."

"No. No, Spence, not with you… never with you… not in all this time, Spence, not in all this time have I stopped loving you and wishing I could… just wishing I could hold you again…"

"Don't do this, not now, not with me getting on a plane and never seeing you again… you've had months and months, Ash! You've had time to tell me these things and you do it **now**?"

"I can't lose you, not again."

"And I can't be with you, not again… not like we were…"

No one ever says all they really mean, hemming and hawing and side-stepping the tender facts – settling for harsh realities and twisted feelings and the specter of the past – like King High and proms and jealousy and fights and mistakes – like blame and fear and rage… no one ever recalls the good times, the moments of affection and adoration that built a relationship – like talking until morning, like ditching classes, like hands held under the dining table, like arms that held tight and lips that tasted sweet and the blossoming of true love…

"Then let's be something new, Spence. Let's be something brand new. Together."

No one ever says all they really mean, at least not usually.

But not today, in an airport filled with mothers and sons and daughters and fathers and lovers and friends and lonely people… but not today, with the clouds and the hazy daylight and the taxis and the limos and the runways covered with planes… but not today, not with Ashley Davies and her overwhelming devotion to Spencer Carlin…

Today, she tells the truth.

/ / /

END


End file.
